Medical jokes, anyone?

First off, let me wish you a prosperous and very healthy new year in 2010 and beyond. Secondly, since laughter can often be the best medicine under a good disposition, hopefully this post has a rib cracker or two to keep you away from depression....

I overheard a mass marketer of herbal medicament advertising his ware on a public bus. He was explaining why his drugs would cure the listener of high blood pressure and other ailments that tended to make a person look ill or appear 'dried up' from not taking blood building medication - and then blame the condition on vampires and other blood sucking leeches and perceived 'enemies' in the home village.

He asked, "Why have vampires retired and stopped sucking blood in the 21st century?" Answer: they retired when AIDS came to town. Yeah, who wants that headache on top of all the other heartaches?

However, as always, there will be some misconceptions. First of all, contrary to that joke above by the medicine man - haha... over-the-counter medicine seller - vampires are still a roaring rage with many people. In the movies anyway.

In fact ""DayBreakers" is a vampire movie featuring Ethan Hawke and Willem Defoe at the two extremes of the blood sucking world but collaborating in the plot, just released already entering 2010!

The same Australian brothers also paired to direct the "Undead" in 2003 but "Daybreakers" is definitely a different stroke from the fantastic "Avatar".

Speaking of "Avatar", it seems that it may have influenced the postponement of the upcoming vampire movie starring Paul Bettany entitled "Priest", the Scott Stewart-directed movie which is getting the 3D treatment and will now be released Jan. 14, 2011 instead of August 20, 2010.


So, just like Vlad The Impaler inspired the making of Dracula and the vampire movie genre, there has never been a "Twilight" (series) for bloodsucking characters on the big screen and the small tube.

The following is a mix of past and future (TBA means that the actual movie release date is To Be Announced later) vampire movie releases: 

Being Human (2009) (UK TV series) TRAILER
Bled (2009) (DVD) The Bleeding (2009) Blood (2009) Blood: The Last Vampire (2009) TRAILER
Bram Stoker's Vampire Diaries Renfield (2009) Carmilla (2009) The Coffin (2009) The Dead Matter (2009) TRAILER
Dead of Night (2009) The Death of Alice Blue (2009) Doomsday County (2009) The Eternal (2009) Hello Darkness (2009) High Midnight (2009) The Informers (2009) Kiss of the Vampire (2009) (DVD) TRAILER
Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009) TRAILER
Let the Right One In (2009--Italy, France, & UK) TRAILER
New Moon (2009) Live Girls (2009) Patient X (2009) PCP... A VanGuard Chronicle (2009) The Revenant (2009) Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead (2009) TRAILER
Shadowland (2009) Sodium Babies (2009) TRAILER
Suck (2009) TRAILER
The Teeth of the Night (2009) Thirst (2009) TRAILER
Transylmania (2009) TRAILER
True Blood, Season 2 (HBO TV series, June 2009) Twilight (2009--various countries) TRAILER
Twilight Watch (2009) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009) TRAILER
Valemont (MTV web series) (2009) The Vampire Diaries (TV series, 2009) TRAILER
Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (2009) Vampire in Vegas (2009) The Vampire's Assistant (formerly Cirque du Freak)(2009) PHOTO TRAILER
The Vampires of Bloody Island (2009)
30 Days of Night: Dark Days (2010) Baltimore, or The Steadfast Tin Soldier and the Vampire (2010) Bite (web series) (2010) TRAILER
Daybreakers (2010) TRAILER
Dead Sucks (2010) TRAILER
Dracula: The Undead (2010) Eclipse (2010) The Fixer (TV series) (2010) TRAILER
The Historian (2010) The Knights Templar (2010) Last Blood (2010) Let Me In (Let the Right One In U.S. Remake) (2010) Lost Boys 3 (2010) Love at Second Bite (2010) Priest (2010) Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell (2010) Soulstice (2010) Stake Land (2010) The Un-Dead (2010)
Bubba Nosferatu and the Curse of the She-Vampires (2011) Breaking Dawn (2011) Castlevania (2011) Dark Shadows (2011) Dracula (2011) Dracula Year Zero (2011) Hotel Transylvania (2011) House of Night (Untitled Project) (2011) The Night Projectionist (2011) Virulents (2011)
Blood Brothers (date TBA) Blood Type (TV series, date TBA) Damned Friday (date TBA) Damn Nation (date TBA) Dear Dracula (date TBA) The Hunger (date TBA) The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (date TBA) Pangs (date TBA) Vampire Tales (date TBA) Vamps (date TBA)

Let me refresh your mind about other vampire movies. The list is quite long but I am sure that the hair on your arm may not stand on end for all of them.

To mention just a few....Queen of the Damned, Fright Night, Lifeforce, Interview with the Vampire From Dusk Till Dawn, Vampyros Lesbos, Vampyres, Rabid, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Blacula and Jesus Chris Vampire Hunter.

2009 gave us “True Blood”, “The Vampire Diaries”, and “30 Days of Night,” while Alex Proyas will soon be directing Sam Worthington in "Dracula: Year Zero", an expectedly exaggerated remake of the original Vlad The Impaler story - made famous in the 1897 Bram Stoker novel Dracula.

In addition to all those monster movies were the following, listed in order of preference by Snarkerati.com: 

Bordello of Blood (1996), Vampire in Brooklyn (1995),Dracula 2000 (2000), Queen of the Damned (2002), The Forsaken (2001)...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1974)

Blacula (1972)

Van Helsing (2004)

Fright Night Part 2 (1988)

Vamp (1986)

Blade: Trinity (2004)

Underworld: Evolution (2006)

Lifeforce (1985)

The Night Flier (1997)

John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998)

Vampyros Lesbos (1970)

Innocent Blood (1992)

Ganja & Hess (1973)

Subspecies (1991)

Underworld (2003)

The Vampire Lovers (1970)

The Hunger (1983)

The Wisdom of Crocodiles (1998)

Blood for Dracula (1974) AKA Andy Warhol’s Dracula

The Return of the Vampire (1944)

Son of Dracula (1943)

Frostbitten (2006)

BioHunter (1995)

Vampire’s Kiss (1989)

Rabid (1977)

Love at First Bite (1979)

Nadja (1994)

Blood and Donuts (1995)

Blood: The Last Vampire (2000)

Vampire Effect (2003) AKA The Twins Effect

The Addiction (1995)

John Badham’s Dracula (1979)

Night Watch (2004) AKA Nochnoy Dozor

Blade II (2002)

Blade (1998)

Vampire Hunter D (1985)

Brides of Dracula (1960)

Dracula’s Daughter (1936)

Vampyres (1974)

House of Dracula (1945)

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

The Monster Squad (1987)

Salem’s Lot (1979)

The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)

The Last Man on Earth (1964)

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

The Lost Boys (1987)

Day Watch (2006) AKA Dnevnoy Dozor

Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat (1991)

Interview with the Vampire (1994)

Shadow of the Vampire (2000)

Fright Night (1985)

The Night Stalker (1972)

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

Cronos (1993)

Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)

Dracula: Pages from a Virgin’s Diary (2002)

Near Dark (1987)

Horror of Dracula (1958)

Martin (1977)

Black Sunday (1960)

Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)

Dracula (1931)

Nosferatu (1922)

Ultraviolet (1998)

Hellsing (2006)

I hope that really revamped list has not left you breathless or something? Well, take care and watch out for more vampire movies in the future - most people seem to get a big bite of entertainment and just lap up all the gory details in droves.

Well, I hope you will still sleep with one eye cocked open, seeing above that the bloodsucking monsters have apparently not retired just yet.